A 'Nightmare' remake for the first in 12 Days of Movie Christmas 2021

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

A 'Nightmare' remake for the first in 12 Days of Movie Christmas 2021

So many movies, so little time. I mean, who's really counting, but more than a megaplex full of cinema will debut between now and Christmas Day. Hence, here's what we're gonna do for each of the next 12 afternoons -- Dec. 14-25. Visit by 6 p.m. (ET) each night and (hopefully) find a little something about a film now playing in or close to surfacing at a theater (or streaming service) near you. It's our "12 Days of Movie Christmas" -- starting right now 3-2-1 . . . Ho! Ho! Ho! . . . By the way, please know that some Grinch, not John, has contributed any and all reviews with ratings less than $ $ $.

Considering the months-long awards hype, superstar casting and unquestionable heft of director and co-writer Guillermo del Toro, one might expect at least a few startling moments to appear much sooner than any actually do in the underwhelming "Nightmare Alley."

In fact, almost a full 90 minutes don't exactly fly by before the likes of Cate Blanchett, Richard Jenkins and an almost unrecognizable Mary Steenburgen start showing up to inject some pizzazz into del Toro's remake of a 1947 film noir classic that had pretty boy Tyrone Power in the starring role.

Bradley Cooper attempts to turn similar tricks in this new version as an obviously troubled guy, who burns down his house to start the proceedings, before landing in a carnival filled with geeks, freaks and con artists galore. Two of them, an alcoholic mentalist (David Strathairn) and his fortune teller wife (Toni Collette), teach him how to play mind games, with the latter occasionally throwing a little something extra to Cooper's good-looking Stan.

Yes, the long and sluggish narrative becomes murkier from there, even if the traveling midway and beyond earn star treatment in terms of cinematography, production design and visual effects. All three already have been recognized among the film's eight -- count 'em 8 -- Critics Choce Awards nominations. Hmm.

("Nightmare Alley" starts Friday in theaters everywhere.)

Rated "R" by MPAA: strong/bloody violence, some sexual content, nudity and language; 2:30; $ $ and 1/2 out of $5

Coming tomorrow (Day 2 of Movie Christmas 2021): "Spider-Man: No Way Home "

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REVIEWS ARE ON A SCALE OF ($ to $ $ $ $ $)

Flora and Son ($ $ $ $)

Dumb Money ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Reptile ($ $ $)

Strays ($ $ and 1/2)

The Last Voyage of the Demeter ($ $ $)

Shortcomings ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Theater Camp ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Haunted Mansion ($ $ and 1/2)

The Beanie Bubble ($ $)

Oppenheimer ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

Barbie ($ $ and 1/2)

MINI-REVIEW: They Cloned Tyrone ($ $ $ and 1/2) "A Nancy Drew-inspired hooker (the terrific Teyonah Parris), 1995's 'Pimp of the Year' (Jamie Foxx), and a drug dealer (John Boyega) everyone thought had been gunned down walk into an elevator (or two), and some dialogue-driven hilarity ensues. Add a few satirical scares, and a wild and crazy turn by Foxx's fellow 'In Living Color' alum, David Alan Grier, as a revivalist, and Netflix has a streaming hit on its hands. The dark, R-rated, but nifty message/sci-fi comedy comes from daring first-time director and 'Creed II' screenwriter Juel Taylor. (He and co-writer here Tony Rettenmaier also penned 'Space Jam: A New Legacy.')"

The Miracle Club ($ $ $)

Mission: Impossible -- Dead Reckoning Part One ($ $ $ $)

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny ($ $ and 1/2)

No Hard Feelings ($ and 1/2)

Asteroid City ($ $ $)

The Flash ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Elemental ($ $ and 1/2)

It Ain't Over ($ $ $ $)

Daliland ($ $ $)

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

The Little Mermaid ($ $ $ $)

Fast X ($ $ and 1/2) "Even with four Oscar winners, furious action rules one more time."

Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie ($ $ $ $)

Book Club: The Next Chapter ($ $ and 1/2)

Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Discontinued ($ $ $)

Peter Pan & Wendy ($ $ and 1/2)

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Ghosted ($ $)

Guy Ritchie's The Covenant ($ $ $ $)

Quasi ($ $ and 1/2)

Renfield ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Super Mario Bros. Movie ($ $ and 1/2)

AIR ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

Spinning Gold ($ $ and 1/2)

I Like Movies ($ $ $ $)

The Lost King ($ $ $)

A Good Person ($ $ and 1/2)

Boston Strangler ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Moving On ($ $ and 1/2)

Champions ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Scream VI ($ $ $)

Creed III ($ $ and 1/2) "Director/star Jordan hits hard; Screenplay still needs more punch."

Cocaine Bear ($ $) "Love the wild title predator, not the movie."

Ant-Man and the Wasp ($ $) "Crawls instead of buzzes."

Sharper ($ $ $) "Not bad, but shoulda been, uh, even sharper."

MINI-REVIEW: Knock at the Cabin ($ $ and 1/2) "This alleged thriller from noted supernaturalist M. Night Shyamalan, a man famous for movies with plot surprises, can boast an original twist of its own even before the projector begins to work. That's because it is only the second screenplay director Shyamalan has not penned alone, here joining forces with a couple of first-time feature writers in adapting a Paul Tremblay novel ("The Cabin at the End of the World") for the big screen. Maybe that's why 'Knock' becomes more of a slow burner than a persistently riveting take, despite a quartet of home invaders, led by a nice-guy (and occasionally creepy) schoolteacher portrayed by big Dave Bautista. Their chilling message to the cabin-dwelling family of three: Please help us save the world by killing one of your own. Unsettling? Yes, of course it is. A thoroughly engaging watch? Not in this Anthropocene."

Living ($ $ $ $)

The Son ($ $)

Women Talking ($ $ $ and 1/2)

M3GAN ($ $ $)

A Man Called Otto ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Pale Blue Eye ($ $ $ and 1/2)

I Wanna Dance with Somebody ($ $ and 1/2)

Corsage ($ $ $ $)
Babylon ($ $ $)

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish ($ $ $ and 1/2)
The Whale ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Avatar: The Way of Water ($ $ $ $)

Nanny ($ $ and 1/2)

Empire of Light ($ $ and 1/2)

Emancipation ($ $ and 1/2)
Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio ($ $ $ $)
White Noise ($ $ and 1/2)
The Inspection ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special ($ $ $ $)

The Swimmers ($ $ $)

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery ($ $)
The Fabelmans ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Spirited ($ $ and 1/2)

Devotion ($ $ $ and 1/2)
She Said ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

The Menu ($ $ and 1/2)

The Wonder ($ $ $ $)
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever ($ $ $)
Good Night Oppy ($ $ $ and 1/2)

MINI-REVIEW: Causeway ($ $ $ $) "Jennifer Lawrence and Brian Tyree Henry knock it out of the park as a pair of wounded souls looking for peace and contentment in the Big Easy. Finding anything close to such security, of course, appears rather difficult considering the pains of personal experience each has been confronting. Two-time Oscar-winner Lawrence speaks volumes here even when she's not saying much, while Tony- and Emmy-Award nominee Henry soars in the role of newfound therapeutic friend trying to heal himself. The little treasure from first-time feature director Lila Neugebauer is streaming exclusively now on AppleTV+."

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story ($ $ and 1/2)

The Return of Tanya Tucker ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Banshees of Inisherin ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

MINI-REVIEW: Armageddon Time ($ $) "If not for the performance of Anthony Hopkins, as a smart and loving grandfather, this alleged '80s-era memoir from writer/director James Gray would disgrace parents, teachers and just about every adult surrounding the major brat it centers upon. That would be a creepy 12-year-old (Banks Repeta), who simply becomes dreadfully unlikable, thanks to each malfeasant move he makes. Talk about revisionist history, "Armageddon" also creates an assortment of fictitious moments -- such as bringing in two apparent members of the Trump family -- simply to pin blame on events occurring then for the political meanderings going on now. Yeah, right."

The Retaliators ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Ask Me to Dance ($ $ $)

Everybody Dance ($ $ $ $)

MINI-REVIEW: Louis Armstrong's Black & Blues ($ $ $ $ and 1/2) "This latest 'Jammie' from director Sacha Jenkins practically takes the fabled jazz musician and all-around showman from cradle to grave with a fascinating assortment of personal letters and revealing audio recordings left by the performer himself. Of course, those of a certain age might recall seeing the personable trumpeter all over the place. My parents loved the man called 'Satchmo' and, so then, did I. In fact, his week as co-host of the daily 'Mike Douglas Show' made for truly classic television, and a bit of that stint is sprinkled throughout this doc. Anyway, it's all meaningful viewing, starting Oct. 28 only on AppleTV+ (after world-premiering at last month's 47th annual Toronto International Film Festival)."

My Policeman ($ $ $)

Raymond & Ray ($ $ $)

Ticket to Paradise ($ $ and 1/2)

Halloween Ends ($ $ $)

Rosaline ($ $ $ and 1/2)
TÁR ($ $ $ $)

Werewolf By Night ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Triangle of Sadness ($ $ $ $)

Mr. Harrigan's Phone ($ $ $)

Hellraiser ($ $)

Amsterdam ($ $ and 1/2)

The Greatest Beer Run Ever ($ $ $)

The Good House ($ $ $)

Blonde ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Sidney ($ $ $)
Don't Worry Darling ($ $ and 1/2)

The Woman King ($ $ $)

Forbearance ($ $ $)

Take the Night ($ $ $ and1/2)

A Love Song ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Love in Kilnerry ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Emily the Criminal ($ $ $ $)

BodiesBodieBodies ($ $ $)

Easter Sunday ($ and 1/2)

Bullet Train ($ $)

Prey ($ $ $)

Hallelujah: Leonard Cohen, a Journey, A Song ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Vengeance ($ $ $)

Nope ($ $ $)

Marcel the Shell With Shoes On ($ $ $ $)

The Gray Man ($ $ $)

Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Thor: Love and Thunder ($ $ $)

Minions: The Rise of Gru ($ $ and 1/2)

Facing Nolan ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Stalker ($ $ $)

The Black Phone ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Elvis ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

The Phantom of the Open ($ $ $ $)

Good Luck to You, Leo Grande ($ $ $ $)

Lightyear ($ $ $)
Cha Cha Real Smooth ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

Jurassic World: Dominion ($ $ and 1/2)
Hustle ($ $ $)

Jazz Fest: A New Orleans Story ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Top Gun: Maverick ($ $ $)
The Bob's Burgers Movie ($ $)

Emergency ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Valet ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Downton Abbey: A New Era ($ $ $)

MINI-REVIEW: Firestarter ($ $) "The 1984 original featured talents such as Drew Barrymore, George C. Scott, Art Carney and still mostly burned out. This new version, also based on the ever-superior Stephen King novel, is headed by Zac Efron. Now that's really kinda scary. Ryan Kiera Armstrong, the young Barrymore lookalike who stars as the girl with the title powers, does hold her own, but it all seriously plays like a mediocre TV movie. After all, you could be watching it stream on Peacock, if not in theaters."

Petite Maman ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Duke ($ $ $ $)

Dr Strange in the Multiverse of Madness ($ $ and 1/2)

MINI-REVIEW: All My Puny Sorrows ($ $ $ $ and 1/2) "This small Canadian indie will make you laugh and cry with its intelligent and touching story of a family now mostly consisting of five women trying to avoid one more tragedy in their lives. Famous sisters played by Sarah Gadon (as a world-class pianist) and the exceptional Alison Pill (a novelist) are at the center of it all, along with always-solid Mare Winningham, as their roll with the punches mom. Michael McGowan's direction and script -- particularly filled with brilliant dialogue -- offer plenty to ponder, as well."

The Northman ($ $ and 1/2)
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore ($ $ $)
Father Stu ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Mothering Sunday ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Better Nate Than Ever ($ $ and 1/2)
Apollo 10 1/2 ($ $ $)
Morbius ($ $)
MINI-REVIEW: The Lost City ($ $ and 1/2) “Sandra Bullock, Channing Tatum and an extended superstar cameo instigate a few laughs but, among other miscues, the tepid screenplay offers no infusion of 'Harry Potter'-like magic for an allegedly villainous turn by Daniel Radcliffe. Too bad, since fun support from Patti Harrison, Da’Vine Joy Randolph and Oscar Nunez almost saves the movie.”

The Outfit ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Turning Red ($ $ $)
The Adam Project ($ $ and 1/2)
The Batman ($ $ $)
Cyrano ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
No Exit ($ $ and 1/2)
Drive My Car ($ $ $ $)
The Worst Person in the World ($ $ $ $)
Jockey ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
Death on the Nile ($ $ $)
MINI-REVIEW: Jackass Forever ($ and 1/2) "It remains pure and unadulterated torture porn, with MTV-famous 'humans' still hurting themselves while acting as real and total jackasses."

Parallel Mothers ($ $ $ $)
Flee ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Scream 2022 ($ $ $)
Belle ($ $ and 1/2)
A Hero ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
The Tragedy of Macbeth ($ $ $ $)
The Tender Bar ($ $ and 1/2)
A Journal for Jordan ($ $ and 1/2)
The Matrix Resurrections ($ $ and 1/2)
Beanie Mania ($ $ $)
Licorice Pizza ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
Sing 2 ($ $ $)
The Novice ($ $ $ $)
Mother/Android ($ $)
The Lost Daughter ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
Swan Song ($ $ $)
Spider-Man: No Way Home ($ $ $ $)
Nightmare Alley ($ $ and 1/2)
Don't Look Up ($ $ $)
West Side Story ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
Being the Ricardos ($ $ $)
National Champions ($ $ and 1/2)
Labyrnth of Cinema ($ $ $ $)
Wolf ($ $ $)
The Hand of God ($ $ $ $)
Encounter ($ $ and 1/2)
Benedetta ($ $ $)
C'mon C'mon ($ $ $ $)
Bruised ($ $ and 1/2)
Encanto ($ $ and 1/2)
House of Gucci ($ $)
Julia ($ $ $)
The Power of the Dog ($ $ $)
Ghostbusters: Afterlife ($ $ $)
King Richard ($ $ $ and 1/2)
tick, tick . . . Boom ($ $ $)
Belfast ($ $ $ $ $)
Violet ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Passing ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Spencer ($ $ and 1/2)
Finch ($ $ $)
Eternals ($ $)
Last Night in Soho ($ $ and 1/2)
The French Dispatch ($ $ $ $)
This is Not a War Story ($ $ $ and 1/2)
The Electrical Life of Louis Wain ($ $ $)
Becoming Cousteau ($ $ $)
Dune ($ $ $)
Halloween Kills ($ $)
The Rescue ($ $ $ $ $)
The Velvet Underground ($ $ $ $)
No Time to Die ($ $ $ $)
I'm Your Man ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Lamb ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Titane ($ $ $)
The Many Saints of Newark ($ $ $ and 1/2)
The Starling ($ $)
Dear Evan Hansen ($ $ $)
The Mad Women's Ball ($ $ $ $)
The Eyes of Tammy Faye ($ $ and 1/2)
The Card Counter ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings ($ $ $)
Vacation Friends ($ $ $)
Candyman ($ $ $)
The Protege ($ $ $)
The Night House ($ $ $ and 1/2)
CODA ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
Respect ($ $)
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It ($ $ $)
The Suicide Squad ($ $ $ and 1/2)
The Green Knight ($ $ $ $)
Joe Bell ($ $ and 1/2)
Old ($ $)
Space Jam: A New Legacy ($ $ and 1/2)

Gunpowder Milkshake ($ $ $)

The Woman Who Ran ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Black Widow ($ $ and 1/2)

No Sudden Move ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Summer of Soul ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

The Boss Baby: Family Business ($ $)

The Forever Purge ($ $ and 1/2)

Marathon ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Too Late ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Sparks Brothers ($ $ $ $)

Luca ($ $ $ $)

Holler ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Spirit Untamed ($ $)
A Quiet Place Part II ($ $ $)

Cruella ($ $ and 1/2)

Dream Horse ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Those Who Wish Me Dead ($ $ $)

Before/During/After ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Gunda ($ $ $ and 1/2)

In Action ($ $ $)

Wrath of Man ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Truffle Hunters ($ $ $ $ $)

Tom Clancy's Without Remorse ($ $)

Together Together ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Touch ($ $ $)

Vanquish ($ and 1/2)

Thunder Force ($ $)

Concrete Cowboy ($ $ and 1/2)

French Exit ($ $ and 1/2)

Godzilla vs. Kong ($ $ and 1/2)

Nobody ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Courier ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Father ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

Raya and the Last Dragon ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Coming 2 America ($ $ $)

Cherry ($ $ and 1/2)

The United States vs. Billie Holiday ($ $ $)

Nomadland ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

Land ($ $)

The Mauritanian ($ $ and 1/2)

Minari ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

Judas and the Black Messiah ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

Two of Us ($ $ $ $)

Falling ($ $ $ and 1/2)
76 Days ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

Malcolm & Marie ($ $ $)

Palmer ($ $ $)

The Little Things ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Our Friend ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Minor Premise ($ $ $ and 1/2)

One Night in Miami ($ $ $)

Herself ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Pieces of a Woman ($ $ $)

Shadow in the Cloud ($ $ $ and 1/2)

News of the World ($ $)

Ice Cream in the Cupboard ($ $ $)

Promising Young Woman ($ $ $ $)
Soul ($ $ $ $)
The Midnight Sky ($ $ $ $)

Greenland ($ $ $ and 1/2)

I'm Your Woman ($ $ $)

Another Round ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)

The Racer ($ $ $)

Ma Rainey's Black Bottom ($ $ $)

Black Bear ($ $ $ $)

Dear Santa ($ $ $ $)

The Croods: A New Age ($ $ $)

Uncle Frank ($ $ $)

Mank ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Sound of Metal ($ $ $ $)

The Last Vermeer ($ $ $ and 1/2)

The Nest ($ $ $ $)

The Life Ahead ($ $ $ and 1/2)

Hillbilly Elegy ($ $ $)

Freaky ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Fatman ($ $ $)

Let Him Go ($ $ $ $)

Beasts Clawing at Straws ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
On the Rocks ($ $ $)
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm ($ $)
The Trial of the Chicago 7 ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Time ($ $ $ $)
The War with Grandpa ($ $ and 1/2)

The Glorias ($ $ $)
Kajillionaire ($ $ $)
Working Man ($ $ $ $)
Shooting Heroin ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Northwood Pie ($ $ $)
Bill & Ted Face the Music ($ and 1/2)
Unhinged ($ $ $)
Words on Bathroom Walls ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Desert One ($ $ $ $)
River City Drumbeat ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
The Burnt Orange Heresy ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Kaye Ballard The Show Goes On ($ $ $ $)
Toss It ($ $ $)
Flannery ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Greyhound ($ $ $ and 1/2)
The Outpost ($ $ $ $)
Comfort Farms ($ $ $)
In Bright Axiom ($ $ $)
Irresistible ($ $ $)
Da 5 Bloods ($ $ and 1/2)
7500 ($ $ and 1/2)
Artemis Fowl ($ and 1/2)
The King of Staten Island ($ $ $)
Judy & Punch ($ $ $ and 1/2)
The High Note ($ $ and 1/2)
Burning Dog ($ $ $)
The Vast of Night ($ $ $ $ and 1/2)
Soundwave ($ $ $)
The Third Strike ($ $ $)
True History of the Kelly Gang ($ $ $ and 1/2)
Bull ($ $ $ and 1/2)
The Dalai Lama -- Scientist ($ $ $)

Nemesis ($ $ $ and 1/2)